


Your Song

by Dipdop_Pinetop



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Angst, BillDip, Character Death, M/M, death mention, no fluff here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-27
Updated: 2016-10-27
Packaged: 2018-08-27 07:04:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8391898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dipdop_Pinetop/pseuds/Dipdop_Pinetop
Summary: "You're free to leave me,
  
  But just don't deceive me,
  
  And please...
  
  Believe me when I say,

  
    'I love you.'"





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DecifurThis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DecifurThis/gifts).



~

 

White flecks of dust were scattered on the morning light, with the gentle glow bursting intrusively through the small window of the room, painting an eerily beautiful, yet isolated scene for the brunet acting as a dead-weight on the edge of his mattress. There was a stillness in the air that was palatable, yet Dipper still was unable to swallow the insatiable emptiness. It wasn’t all that foreign of a morning routine to wake up alone, despite having spent the night sleeping _~~hardly~~_ peacefully beside his love. Being alone was one of the requirements of the days – or months – before he could see his boyfriend again. It was all seemingly worth it though, being continuously blessed enough to feel the comforting warmth in the darkness as his mind battled through the endless waves of nightmares he wasn’t entirely certain were his own. The arms wrapped about his frame, and the soothing breaths playing at the ends of his curly brown hair always gave him the sense of security he had eternally longed for. The nights were short and the days were long, but each night wiped away the weary solitude forced upon the brunet. Each and every time, Dipper would readily forgive whatever amount of time had passed, all for the sake of the embrace of the being he had fallen madly in love with. Morning would always come, but at least he had the night of amenity and distorted infatuation.

 

So to be robbed of the arms wrapped so tightly around him each morning was no easier than the last, but Dipper managed. If nothing else, it was for the securement of their relationship. Bill needed his own time, and Dipper would respect that, no matter the cost. He dealt with the loneliness and the insecurity plaguing each and every thought that would pass through his mind, nagging endlessly at the fibers of his heart. He wasn’t being abandoned. It was just something Bill did. It was something Bill _needed._

 

And that was _okay_.

 

Yet somehow, this morning was different. In this fresh, vivid morning, there was the feeling of every aspect being slightly skewed, as though time itself was dwindling and Dipper was left in the harsh gravity of the reality he was seated within. Sitting there alone once again on the mattress where he had last seen his lover, the spent time seemed to catch up with him as the tears welled behind his eyes. How many _years_ had it been since he last saw Bill? Time was a distant blur - a faded memory of the dream demon that would taunt him with the whims of the fragility of a clock ticking. Here one moment, and gone the next. Each breath having been entirely _wasted._

 

“…I…I n-never sa-id…”

 

The strained words pressed against his tongue and bound his throat shut, the tears surfacing much more easily now. They slipped up to just below his hazel iris and spilled over his lower lid, even as Dipper himself didn’t realize he was crying. By now he was sobbing with pained gasps that accompanied every passing vision that fleeted through his memories. They were all he had now, as his love was very much dead.

 

“…Goo-ood…”

 

The proclaimed words valued at nothing, as they never would now. There was naught to say in the placidity of the room that he had not squandered away in the past, childishly hoping that the day would never dawn when the words would ever need to be spoken. His heart wrenched as his knuckles turned white on his gripped knees. This wasn’t any new piece of information, anything _worth_ being this upset over, and yet here he was; lost in the remembrance of everything that had been, and everything he did **_wrong_**.

 

“… **Goodbye!** ”

 

The screeched sound ruptured from the trembling lips as the mournful brunet doubled over on the side of the mattress, and succumbed to every last tear he had held within him. Bill was gone. He was never coming back. Dipper had done _so much_ wrong, and it was all born out of the vain attempt to claim some form of security in the strange, erratic relationship they had once shared. There were so many acts and discussions he wanted to take back, so many wrongs he would have righted and so many sentiments he would have shared, despite the demon more than likely returning each one with a hearty laugh at how ridiculously sappy his little, pathetic human was.

 

What he wouldn’t have given in that moment to hear even the most cutting remark from the demon. About how needy he was. About how he was too loving. Too innocent. Too weak. He would _die_ just to hear it all. To have it spat at him in pseudo-hatred. To have it lashed upon his skin with _true_ hatred. Every cell in his skin would diverge in response, should that be what his love wanted of him. It wasn’t even a product of Dipper’s own self-loathing or self-doubt requiring the attentions and strategically placed affections offered to him. Dipper was too far gone for that. He had been for quite a while, but one would have to be to be in love in the first place. Love was a foreign idea to him, but it was one he pined perpetually for. No one loved him quite like the dream demon did.

 

“ **I l-loved _you!_** ”

 

None of this mattered. It wasn’t as though his feeble words meant anything to a being long since deceased. Wetting his parted lips to save the edges from the stinging tears dribbling consistently down his reddened face, Dipper vainly tried to dry what he could with the back of his hand, despite his chest heaving laborious huffs in an unsuccessful attempt to try to settle down his racing heart.

 

“Y-you were…th-the o-o-only… _one_ …”

 

There might have been an ending to that sentence, one where Dipper confessed some long-held dark secret Bill never knew, or one where Dipper himself never acknowledged. While there might have been, it was really all of these things and more. There was so much more. There was no true end to that confession, as it of itself _was_ the confession. Bill had always been the only one. The only _Bill_. The only _love_. The only _one_.

 

Hatred surged through the brunet’s frame, despite everything in him not wanting it to leave a trace. How could Bill just leave him? How could he _abandon_ him in the middle of the night, and just never return? Did Dipper’s cling and straining ways on their relationship cause Bill _that much spite_? Did Bill really _hate_ him that much? It wasn’t all that much of a stretch to understand. Dipper was pushy. He was clingy. He demanded vague things and fully expected the dream demon to fill in the blanks. There were no right answers, there were no wrong answers. At least, there were none that Dipper had ever expected when he gave each small sentiment. Bill never had to say he loved him, and yet when he did, it rushed through the human like an addiction being sated at long last. He never took it lightly, and always understood how difficult and how genuine it was for Bill to ever say anything even remotely similar to that. The words still burned the tips of his ears in the darkest recesses of the isolated nights.

 

Many a midnight, Dipper would just cling to his pillow and pretend that the scent the dream demon had worn into it had not left months ago. The stretches and worn fabric showed his desperation more and more evident with each passing night, but Dipper couldn’t bring himself to even spritz any sort of freshener on the headrest, just in case that erased any last essence his lover had ingrained into it. Though the scent of the chest he had laid his head on so many times before was long gone, Dipper still liked to make believe. He was so good at pretending.

 

It was many hours before Dipper was able to steady himself again, though he was far from completely grieved of that particular dream demon. The once-vivid light had since begun to grow musky, filtering a warm golden ray over the floorboards of the attic just to taunt the aching human all the more. Silence had been the theme of the day once Dipper had finished screaming out the words he had wished had been his last. If for no other reason, they would have served as a comfort to him as he was forced to think on the thought of his dead lover. It took even longer for Dipper to brave more sentiments, though he whispered them on a breath as though it would break whatever frailty was in the air right then. A shuddering breath was taken and hushed on an exhale before he was able to even think of the first thing he wanted to ‘confess’ to the Bill he was now only gratuitously imagining floating before him. He could recall the perfect smirk staining his lover’s face, permanently affixed to the face he never would be able to omit from mind.

 

“…I’m…I’m sorry…” he began almost muted. “I’m…so sorry. I didn’t…I didn’t mean to… _pressure_ you or…or anything.”

 

“…I was so sca-scared…God. Why couldn’t I have j-just told you this when you were alive? I…I love you. I was s-so scared to lose you. I was scared to lose _anybody_. And…and that was never your fault, but I m-made it your problem.”

 

“I would have done _anything_ you asked me to do. I was so afraid to die, but I was so…so _ready_ to die just so you could stay safe. That’s…messed up…but that was _us._ I don’t know anything about demonic courting or dating or whatever and I just…I didn’t even know about _human_ dating, Bill. I had to look everything up online. I wanted to do everything right, and then I just…I messed it all up.”

 

“And _God_ I miss you. I mi-miss you every…every single day. And I _hate_ _myself_ even more, because I **_know_** I caused it somehow. And now I’ll never get to know why, or what I did. I would take it all back. I would do _everything_ you wanted me to do, everything you ever wanted, if I could just…”

 

“…I think about what the oracle said. She just…was weird, but I didn’t know who else to go to. I didn’t know where you went. I wanted to make sure you were okay. She…she told me about another you. How he…killed you. And I don’t know _why_ , and I don’t want to know…but I can’t stop thinking about him touching you. His lips and tongue on you, and just… _violating_ you. You deserve so much better than that. And…I never let myself have the chance to even tell you. I was so…silent. And I was so…afraid.”

 

“…Did you think of me when you were dying? That’s…God, that’s so _stupid._ It’s so vain. I can’t…I just want to…h-hold…you…”

 

The wind rustling the early evening trees was a slight comfort, if not a distraction. The warmth was ebbing from the floorboards by now, where Dipper had moved to sit cross-legged in the sunlight. It slinked away from him in an almost shy manner, as though even the sun itself couldn’t be brought to enough of a conviction to remain by the brunet’s side. At least for a moment, Dipper could pretend that Bill was just outside the window, lurking silently as he continued to guard him. It was an asinine notion, but it was a comforting imagination. His sleight arms wrapped themselves around his middle in a tight coil. If he couldn’t hold the one he _really_ wanted to, the least he could do was hold himself.

 

“If there’s…even the tiniest chance you would _ever_ hear this…I’m sorry. I would do anything for you. You can do anything you want, even if it’s ions away from _me._ Just…please…please be _happy_ somewhere. Wherever you are, I want you to be the happiest you could ever possibly be.”

 

“Because…you made me the happiest person alive, just because you were in my life.”

 

The moonlight was a tortuous reminder of the night ahead of him, and of the day that had scathed in nothing but hollowed memoriam. Dipper remained planted in his spot on the aged wooden floor beside his bed, though he did untangle one arm to reach hesitantly for the pillow he came to recognize as solely Bill’s. A gentle breath was taken as the brunet selfishly tried to find even a wisp of his previous lover. As expected, nothing came but the bitter reminder he had had for the last few years. Dipper eventually tore the side of his face away from the faded, wilted pillowcase in favor of looking back out the window where the wind had rustled a few gracious hours prior. There was _one last_ _thing_ he had to say.

 

“…Thank you for letting me love you, and for loving me in return.”

 

~


End file.
